Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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