I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
