your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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