dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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