I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
