I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
