Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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