so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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