I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize
