She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She bit a glass in half.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
