i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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