I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
