i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
