she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
