it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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