From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
