Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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