So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
