wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
