Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
