Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
