YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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