he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
