just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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