I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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