i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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