Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
