Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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