Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
