Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
