Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
