It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
