Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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