I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
