I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
