I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
