im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
