i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
