wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
vagina is talking i cant
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize