If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize