just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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