Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
