Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
