I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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