What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
