i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
