his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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