a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
