I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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