an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
