Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
