It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
