I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
