My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
ttyl tear gas
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
