Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
