a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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