He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
