Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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