the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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