One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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