He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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