Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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