i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize