It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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