Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
