The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
