i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
